Understanding Grief and Repressed Emotion

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Grief is a series of many thoughts and emotions in response to a loss.  The extent the heart is connected to what is lost, affects how much grief is experienced.  For individuals who are unable to adjust to a loss and move on, it may be necessary to look deeper to see what might be contributing to the prolonged grief.  Unresolved past emotions may be triggered by a current loss.  In such cases, the resolution of the current grief may be inhibited by a previous decision to either not think or not feel.

In her book, “Molecules of Emotion”, Dr. Candace Pert presents evidence that the experience of emotions are the result of neuropeptides released from the hypothalamus in response to a thought.  Each emotion has a specific chemical makeup that flows throughout the body and is picked up by receptor sites in various organs.  Each emotion will effect a unique combination of organs in a specific way, and hopefully this will trigger a resolving thought.  Dr. Scott Walker has developed a process he calls Neural Emotional Technique which has helped to pinpoint where in the body and what organs are usually effected by each of the different emotions.  For purposes of this article, we will choose the three emotions we have talked about here; fear, grief and bitterness.  Dr. Walker says that fear is an emotion that effects the kidneys and grief effects the lungs.  Scripture leads us to believe that bitterness effects the bones.  

Two difficulties can occur in the processing of grief.  If one refuses to think about the loss, unresolved energy remains in the brain, resulting in mental distress.  Secondly, if the emotions are internalized, repressed, denied or transposed, rather than embraced and expressed, the chemistry of the emotion remains in the organ, and the natural mental processes do not continue to resolution.  Since each organ shares a neural pathway with a specific set of muscles, the unresolved emotion will continue to affect both the organ function and the related muscle groups resulting in predictable disorders and pains.  However, when the emotion is expressed, the thought processes continue toward resolution causing the release of new emotional chemistry that resolves and replaces the previous set.  If each successive new emotion is embraced and expressed, this process finally results in the flow of the vital feel-good, unifying chemicals of a state of joy that facilitate both our biology and behavior.    

A scriptural example of this connection between thought, emotion and body function is revealed in Psalm 73.  Asaph is envying the apparent ease of the wicked, (vs. 3-12).  In verses 13 and 14 he declares his judgment against his efforts for purity of heart and innocence.   However, he then realizes the foolishness of that judgment and turns to God for His perspective.  Verses 21-22 state, “When my heart was embittered, and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant ”.   In the Hebrew, “within” is the word “Kilyah” which means kidneys.  When he held onto bitterness in his heart, his kidneys were afflicted and his thinking was blocked.  The conclusion of the Psalm in combination with verses 18 through 20 present a godly resolution of his dilemma.  We can see this kind of connection when we look at individuals who have certain kinds of kidney failure.  As the kidneys are unable to do their job filtering toxins from the body, the toxicity builds and thought processes begin to erode.  In advanced stages people become delusional, they may lose their ability to comprehend time and their understanding of simple every day life declines.

Many children are told, “Big boys don’t cry”, or “You’re just too emotional”.  These events can result in inner determinations of the heart not to express emotion.  Therefore, as loss is experienced, a person may repress the grief and choose to just move on.  Also, the processing of overwhelming experiences, especially in childhood, can be so traumatic that the subconscious defensive systems of the mind will shut it down until a time when the person has the capacity to handle the emotion.  A person may also stop the processing of grief because they judge a particular thought or emotion within the process as unacceptable.  If any of these patterns of repression continue through life, the mental tension and physical chemistry of grief will build.  Each successive event can then trigger fresh waves of the chemistry of the unresolved previous events along with those appropriate to the present situation.  As a result, they may experience excessive, inappropriate stages, or prolonged grief along with physical symptoms of pain in their bodies.  This extreme and confusing response often leads to further repression. 

It may be helpful to reconsider other losses in the life and explore how grief was handled in those situations.  When a previous event is recalled, it should be meaningful information, but if a wave of emotional chemistry is released it indicates the emotions have not been allowed to resolve.  Emotions, when allowed to come forward can resolve when we cry, as we talk and share with another safe person or during the night when we experience REM sleep and begin to dream.  Dreams are a human being's way of working through the "baggage" of the day.  If we don't dream, we don't process as effectively.  

As suppressed emotion is faced, understand that for past experiences, that unresolved chemistry will feel exactly the same.  However the good news is that if you are feeling emotion that was suppressed during childhood, what felt overwhelming at the time, may not be as overwhelming as an adult.  Allow yourself to feel, work through the emotions and resolve the chemistry...that is the path to good emotional health.

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